Well, I've been dreaming about these next couple weeks for months and months now. I dreamed about how happy I would be, and how perfect I would feel. I didn't dream of the anxiety that would make me toss and turn for hours each night, or the nasuea that comes with thinking about whether or not he's even going to enjoy the things I have planned for him when he comes home. It's been over 200 days since I've seen this man I love. He's not in some air-conditioned hotel room, preparing for a "super stressful" business lunch followed by an "exhausting" 18 holes and martini's. Not at all. When my husband goes on a business trip it's not good news. It's 7 months of hell followed by a welcome home to a wife and child that he barely even recognizes. He's been in the most stressful of conditions for over half a year, and the sole responsibility of making his homecoming perfect falls on one person. Me. WOW.
Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't trade this homecoming for absolutely anything in the world, and I am EXCITED AS HECK to see Doc!! Nothing could ever change that. I guess I just assumed that this would be the LEAST stressful of times, with my stressful days of maintaining a household alone almost over. Yet somehow these days seem MORE stressful. I'm starting to become more aware of the fact that I have changed alot in 7 seven months, and I know Doc has, too. I just have all these fears....what if he doesn't like some of the surprises I have for him? What if Jordan freaks out and gets scared to be around him? How will that make him feel, and how will I comfort him if that happens? What if he doesn't like the church I have chosen for us? What if he's dissappointed in some of my wedding choices? (Actually I really don't care about that one...it was his choice to let me do everything and he has never once responded to my questions asking for his input, so PINK AND YELLOW it is buddy! LOL) What if my outfit isn't very cute to him? (I don't know how that could happen either, I got the most fabulous little black dress and some smashing red peep-toed stillhetto heels!) but still, what if all of a sudden that's not what he likes anymore? Come to think of it he's really not fond of stillhetto's, because he says they look dangerous, like a womanly weapon. No wait, that's just what he says about pointed toed shoes. WOW A D D, My mind is running about 100 MPH these days! ANYWAY, it can be really overwhelming at times. I do think that in the end he will be happy, because I am doing absolutely everything I can to get us all ready for him!!! Doc is a very laid back man. A nice lasagna and a glass of milk (that has been put in the freezer for about 3 minutes before drinking it) will pretty much get you anything you want with him :)
This homecoming is more than just a "return from 7-month deployment" for us. After 6 months of dating, Doc and I lived together for 2 and 1/2 years. Yet for the last year and half we have lived under the same roof for 2 months. And 1 month and 1/2 of that was in a hotel. He did 4 months of Great Lakes transitioning, seeing each other about twice a month, followed by 4 months in BUD/S at Coronado by himself. He left there to come to Hawaii and get everything ready for us, and a month later we finally got here. 7 weeks later he left for Iraq. This homecoming is the start of getting a somewhat normal (as normal as a military wive's life can be anyway) routine back. Even though he deploys again in a year, our cup is DEFINITELY half full! We will have a FULL YEAR to enjoy each other! (minus a couple months of training, but still, WAY better than before!!!!) I feel like it is my job to get this new routine set-up and running for us, and I can't help but wonder if I will do a good job or not. The whole military life is still relatively new to me. Seperations I am a professional at, but having him here in a military setting is completely new. AND EXCITING, but stressful none the less. I'm sure to anyone who has never been through this I have to sound like a complete rambling lunatic. Thanks for listening anyway! :)
This will definitely be our last blog until Doc gets home! I will not be able to tell anyone even when I do get the date for his arrival, so just know that I will let you know very soon after he arrives! I will post pictures on my different pages, and I'll make sure everyone is updated in a timely fashion!! Now back to my obsessive cleaning, nit-picking, re-arranging, and tossing and turning! AHHH this will all be over soon! :) Please keep my dangling sanity in your prayers LOL :) But really, keep us in your prayers, as we will you as well! Have a great week, and we'll talk to you soon! Love to you all! :)
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2 comments:
Im so proud of you and theres so much I want to say to you. Just know that you are in my prayers. Everything you are feeling is normal times 100! You're doing great and all of the little things you may be worrying about will all fade away when you see his face. Jordan will know him, hug him, and love him as if he were never gone and you two will find your own groove again faster than you could ever believe! Just take my word for it, trust in God's perfect plan for all of this and breathe! I want to know when he's on his way or when he's getting close. Can you text me or message me if you find time? We want to pray over his flight and your homecoming. Anyway, we love you and Im so proud of you! You did it Tammy! Deployment one--piece of cake!
I'm so proud of you.
You made it!
You've grown so much, and regardless if you've changed, I'm sure it's for the best.
You're an inspiration to many woman out there that anything is possible.
Jordan is lucky to have a mama like you.
See you soon, I hope! love you.
-Ray
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